A humble post

 

I had a beautiful post about humility almost finished and ready to post a couple weeks ago. Unfortunately it had a flaw: it was beautiful. It was poetic. But in the moment that humility is needed, nothing about it is beautiful or poetic. It’s raw. It’s ugly. Often it hurts. It means admitting that the things I like the least about myself exist, and allowing them to be visible. At least that’s been my experience of humility.

And I’m stuck here. I’ve been sitting looking humility in the eye for months now, sometimes choosing it, sometimes not, but always staring right at it. The Bible has so many good things to say about it. Humility is a doorway to grace. That sounds great. Humility is the fastest way to look like Jesus. Wow, that sounds beautiful. Humility makes space and basically invites God into your circumstances and life. I think most of us would say that sounds like a great deal.

And yet.

And yet that one word is so hard for me to grasp. It means laying down my rights and my opinions. It means looking for spaces to serve even when I feel spent, or looking for places to rest at Jesus’ feet when I know that today is the day the servants are going to be honored publicly. It means placing so much value on people around me that it almost tangibly hurts, but not taking on that burden because I know it isn’t mine to bear.

Whew, this thing called humility. It’s complicated, right? But it’s so very simple. Look for Jesus. He was a servant to all. He poured out his life even to the point of the ugliest death imaginable in his day. He loved even when faced with betrayal and judgments. When I find Jesus and do the things He did and the things He is doing, I will naturally be in a place of humility.  So that’s what I’m trying to do. And some days it hurts. And some days it is so ugly. And most days I fall oh so short of humility as the flesh flares up and tries to convince me to let it have a shot. But that doorway to grace is undeniable and I couldn’t live without Gods grace every moment of every day.

So if you’ve never tried it, sit a while with humility, see what you can glean from its wisdom. And if you have already learned from humility please share your experience, because if there's anything that humility has taught me, it is that I have so much more to learn from others.

Favorite Names

 Today, during noontime prayer, Tullio asked us to take a moment to pray and praise the names of God.  I couldn't help but think on my favorite name for God: El Roi - the God who sees [me].  You see I'm a fairly low maintenance person.  I also don't like the spotlight.  So between the two things of me not needing a lot of attention and me not wanting a lot of attention, sometimes it can feel like I'm downright invisible.  Don't get me wrong, some days being practically invisible has its perks.  But some days feeling invisible is gut wrenching.  And in the middle of the pandemic, when I'm not even physically visible to most of the world, it can be hard to not feel invisible.  

But, El Roi.  God sees me.  He sees the days I'm struggling and no one knows.  He sees the days that I draw up all of my courage to whisper a request of someone and I'm passed over because my ask isn't loud enough and the person expects me to be self-sufficient, because normally I am.  He sees the days my heart is breaking for seemingly no reason.  And what I love most about El Roi is that he doesn't just see me and move on.  He sees me and He sits with me there in the discomfort and pain.  Some days we just sit, because this world is hard and things happen that aren't all that God would have wanted for us because sin has tainted the world.  Some days He tells me "Talitha cumi" - "Little girl, get up!" and He takes me by the hand and resurrects a place in my heart that I thought had been killed by the ugliness of sin and death in this world.  Some days He tells me it's time to move on, to forgive someone who has hurt me or to let go of a sin that was bringing me comfort.  And some days He is the Redeemer and He takes that hurt or sadness and He flips it on its head like He flipped the tables in the temple to bring beauty from ashes and a garment of praise for heaviness.  

You see El Roi doesn't just stop at seeing, He sees and He acts.  And that is why El Roi will always be one of my favorite names.  If you've read this far, please share your favorite name of God...and why! :) 

New Year, New Language

Is anyone else like me and already need a refresh on your New Years goals? (I don't really do resolutions).  One of my biggest goals this year was to remove lack language from my vocabulary.

What is lack language? It's those tiny but insidious phrases that sneak their way past our brains through our lips and bind deficiency to our lives.  Simple phrases like: "There aren't enough hours in the day," or "I didn't sleep enough last night," or "I need more time, sleep, energy, friends, caffeine, etc." or "if I only had xyz I could finally do the thing I want or the thing you're asking of me".  In small quantities these phrases seem innocuous but in large enough doses the effect is quick and deadly.  I can see it in my own life.  Places where I constantly confess the lack I experience never get better, the insufficiency only seems to grow.  And in a year where I have a toddler and a newborn, it is easier than ever to speak, and believe, the lack but also deadly than ever to do so.

Maybe you deal with that feeling of scarcity better than I do.  But I usually respond to it by grabbing on for dear life to anything that I think could quell the shrinking of what I perceive to be my limited supply of that need, be it sleep, energy, time, what have you. So this year I'm trying something new.  I'm calling it the tongue of trust.  Instead of confessing what I lack, I'm trying to speak what I have in the Lord.  And lucky for me, there's a plethora of Scriptures available for just such occasions.  Here are just a few that speak to me when I'm feeling drained, in short supply, weary, powerless, or otherwise lacking.

His divine power has granted to us EVERYTHING pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence. - 2 Peter 1:3 (emphasis added)

Not that I am speaking from being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. -Philippians 4:11, 13

And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:19

The young lions suffer want and hunger, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. - Psalm 34"10

For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things. - Psalm 107:9

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work. - 2 Corinthians 9:8

~

So today I'm going to try to get back into my goal and choose to speak life.  Because I may not have everything I want (like 8 hours of sleep, can you see a theme here?), but by the grace of God, I have all that I need.